I NEED Jesus!

Sometimes I want to give up on things.. not my children or my marriage but the other "stuff". Today- I just don't want to do housework or cook. BUT kids have to be fed and I cannot keep tripping over toys and we all have to have clean clothes to wear. So, I have to get my self in gear and do it; regardless if I have only slept 6 broken hours (meaning I was up every hour for some amount of time). I have been an angry person! Sadly, I have just been acting the way I feel like it because I am tired and I have a lot on my plate and I am always taking care of others and I "feel" entitled to that-I AM WRONG! Let's clear that up before I go on.. I know I am wrong for that! So while breast feeding Madelyn in the van the other day, while everyone else was eating lunch inside Smokey Bones, I heard a song by Steven Curtis Chapman entitled "Do everything". God stopped me in my negative thinking right in my tracks. My human side gets resentful toward my sweet husband who gets to eat when he pleases. I also want to give up breast feeding because it is so demanding. But deep down, I know I would be forfeiting a blessing because not everyone is blessed to be able to breast feed and have a great milk supply- its free, healthy and helps me lose weight- I know I don't want to give it up. But listen to this song. Youtube it! Its a GREAT song for everyone!

So tonight, I am looking around the house-that I have neglected for a couple days now- and just wanted to go to bed. I do NOT want to clean up one more time after EVERYONE (even the dumb dog)! And as I start to get frustrated with all the mess and chaos going on around me, I just prayed for patience and energy to tackle some of the work and not be so hard on the girls tomorrow while they are playing (and making a mess again). It is hard to know you spent so much time cleaning and then seeing them undo the work within minutes. As I am picking up the computer/exercise/crafty room, I come across all the art work my kids make. I sit down and go through it and realize my 4 year old Grace has been teaching herself how to write her letters. "GPEML" was on one piece of paper, not that I know (or even she knows) what that means but it was humbling to say the least. It is so great to see your children wanting to learn and grow. I send them in here to play and let me get dinner made or things done and it is just so sweet to see her "learning".

I love my "job". I love being a mom. I don't want you to get the wrong idea reading this! Just the work that goes into motherhood can be exhausting and OVERWHELMING at times and with lack of sleep, your mind can lead to sinful actions because of anger and selfishness.

God touched my heart in the midst of cleaning and He is trying to grow and teach me, I can feel it! He is showing me patience that I need more of, mercy toward my children when I want to yell, and gentleness to remember they are kids and they are going to make a mess :o)

Update.. June 3, 2011

So its been about a month since I have even signed on to my blog, never mind posted anything. Needless to say, its been an adjustment with three children. BUT I must say I LOVE IT! I wouldn't trade it for a thing and I would never want to go back. I would say now, with the grace of God daily (and with His mercy that is new every morning) I am finally getting the hang of it. Madelyn is 6 weeks old now (almost 7). I have healed from my c-section and I actually feel like myself again 100%; well most days. This past week, I even made a full meal for dinner (pork scallopini with rice and veggies) and we sat down as a family at our new dining room table and ate together. We have been eating together but it was mostly things like PB&J's or pre-made freezer meals like lasagna. And by now, the pizza delivery lady knows us all too well... :o).

And I am so happy to say Madelyn knows when its day and night- she eats every 2-3 hours but definitely goes right back to sleep at night. Praise God- ya know!? I mean, she is wonderfully made for sure. She knows what to do already. I am so glad- I mean she could have been an ultra fussy baby with tummy aches or one of those babies who is up all night and sleeps all day. I just praise God and give Him all the glory for giving us just what this family needed!

And I have learned that something as "little" as having all clean laundry and dishes done, kids fed, and napping can make a mom feel like she is on TOP of the world and SO accomplished! Not trying to contradict my previous statement- I GIVE GOD ALL THE GLORY AND HONOR FOR THIS TOO!! I know He alone provides me with strength, energy, patience and time management because when I try to do it without Him, I lose one of those.. usually my patience or my energy wears thin. And God has also allowed me to see that if there are some crumbs on the floor, some dishes in the sink and my armpits are stinky that it is OK and I need to enjoy and treasure moments with my precious gifts from Him. That includes my amazing husband. And even MYSELF.

I try to make moments count with my husband. Tonight, for instance, I really felt like I couldn't get a word in to him today without one interruption or another. So, as soon as he left for work I called him :o). I talked for minute and just let him know I love him. Also, I have decided one night a week him and I have to have a date night.. this doesn't mean we have to get a babysitter and go to a movie and dinner.. but I do mean we need to shut off the TV and talk, play a game together, sit on the front porch and just be with each other- truly treasure the moment and not get lost as a couple under the daily life of parenthood. I am praying through this because it isnt always easy and truthfully, I have been going to bed when Madelyn does around 8:30pm or so.

Then I try to make time for myself. I have decided to put the older girls, Grace and Lauren (who are 4 and almost 3) down for a nap everyday. I used to let Grace stay awake because she DOESN'T sleep and she would just wake Lauren up. But now I put them up in their beds after lunch with a movie. Lauren falls asleep during the movie and Grace has quiet time watching it without me. For my sanity I do this :o). It works wonderfully, I tell Grace she cannot wake up Lauren or get out of bed until the movie is over AND Lauren is asleep. So this being said- I have some ME time when Madelyn finally falls asleep. The other day (during the day) I took a bubble bath to relax. Another day I ate lunch with no one asking for my food. Sometimes I fold clothes or catch up on some house work while chatting on the phone and other times I paint my toe nails while watching my TV show. I have even been day dreaming about my newest hobby- CAKE DECORATING!!! I'll have to get into that later ;o)

Its incredible with three kids how I feel like I am managing better than when I only had two kids but I was pregnant!

Well, I got to cut this shorter than I thought.. Madelyn needs me.

Madelyn Claire

I am overwhelmed with God's goodness! I am overjoyed; my cup runs over. I am so grateful God laid it on my heart to have another baby. I already could not imagine a day without our sweet Madelyn. This is a direct example of being obedient to God and seeing the AMAZING blessings we receive in return. I am in love with Madelyn and felt an IMMEDIATE BOND to her right away. God knew exactly who we needed to add to our family. She is just perfect in every way and she fits so well with us. Even though its only been 2 days I couldn't picture our lives without Madelyn a part of them. Right now is just another amazing moment I am thanking God with her just snuggled skin to skin on my chest after being fed and burped. She is so relaxed and in a state of bliss- SO AM I!! I could stay like this forever.

All of the rib pain, bruising and back aches, all the restless/sleepless nights during pregnancy are not only worth it, but forgotten now.

Her birth story:

As you may know, I chose to give birth to Madelyn through c-section because of two previous shoulder dystocia births and God definitely revealed to me to go through with it by having her remain breech when deciding my birth plan at 32 weeks pregnant.

Ok- so Thursday, April 14th I was having contractions all day on and off and began to have them regular and more intense with a lot of cramping and "cervical pain". So when my husband came home from work at 5:30p, instead of having dinner we decided to head to the hospital. A friend of mine met us at the hospital to take Gracie and Lauren home for something to eat and then to head to bed while I was being checked out. It was a busy night in L&D; in fact my husband had just finished doing a c-section case before coming home and we actually talked to the new baby's great-grandparents while we waited. So they took me back and had me on the monitor for about two hours. I was contracting 4-5 minutes apart for the entire two hours. The nurse didn't come in but once the entire time and I felt blown off. I am thinking "can anyone else see I am contracting and uncomfortable?" Well by the 3rd hour, the nurse came in and checked and said my cervix was closed and the doctor would be in to give me discharge papers in a minute. I CRIED!! I was so uncomfortable and didn't want to be in labor if I was having a c-section and wasn't sure why my contractions were regular and painful-for nothing! So the doctor prescribed me Ambien to let me sleep through the contractions. I was so confused. When was I supposed to come in, my contractions were regular and as a c-section mommy (who had a Breech baby), I didn't want to be in full blown labor and cause the c-section to be emergency. Whatever, I literally put it in God's hands and left knowing I had a doctor's appointment the following afternoon.

At my appointment the next day, I shared these concerns with the doctor. Side note- I did take the Ambien and was able to sleep better, though I felt pain through the night. So I told the doctor I wanted an ultrasound to see her position and wanted her to check the status of my cervix regardless if I am having a c-section or not. She was such a great doctor and said she would do whatever it took to give me a peace of mind. Well, she put the ultrasound machine on my belly and Madelyn (through the night) was NO LONGER breech!! She had turned during all those contractions through the night. Little did I know she was preparing to be born. She was completely in position, making it more comfortable to carry her. Her head was not constantly pressing on my ribs, in fact I could feel her butt in between my ribs. The doctor checked my cervix, and still closed-no real progression just soft.

Although I'd rather have heard I was dilated, I had a peace about it all. Knowing she was head down made it less scary to be having contractions and knowing my cervix was closed helped put my mind at ease.

The next morning was a rainy windy dreary day. I was EXHAUSTED. The funny thing was I had SO much to do (nothing necessary, just invites). It was the only day on my calendar that I had anything going on. I was invited to an Easter egg hunt for the kids from 11-1p, a baby shower from 3:30-6:30p at a park (although the weather was awful), and a 31 party at 4:30p. I kind of was thinking I wasn't going to get to any of it and I needed to get some groceries when I had the energy to pull my rear off the couch. The night before was filled with contractions (irregular) and MAJOR rib aches. I kept waking up and I felt God tell me I wouldn't have to deal with this rib pain any more after this night. Well, as horrible as this sounds, I turned on the TV (though the wind/rain kept turning off our Netflix-internet access) and let the girls watch TV as often as the weather permitted. And I dosed in and out of sleep through them playing and watching movies. My body literally could not do anything more. Around 11am I felt recharged enough to get off the couch. I made the girls lunch and after eating I decided I NEEDED to scrub my shower/tub. It hadn't been SCRUBBED in a couple of months. I had just been spraying it with some shower stuff and rinsing because I couldn't get in good with my belly and scrub it thoroughly. But I felt like I needed to at this point. There was some grime that grossed me out and it was a nesting necessity. So I did. I was proud of it when it was sparkling too :-). Then Glenn woke up at about 4pm and I was beginning to get some strong contractions and really low tight cramping pain. Madelyn was getting lower and lower since she was now head down. My husband was convinced I needed to go to L&D. I really blew him off for about an hour or so, trying to remind him that just yesterday my cervix was closed and I cried when they sent me home and I didnt want to go through this whole thing again. Glenn had to leave for work at 6pm and be gone all night long and he kindly reminded me it would be a bad situation if my labor progressed and I was in labor and he was gone to work. So I jumped in the shower and thought, oh well if I have 100 false alarms, its better than being too far in labor and having to be rushed around for an emergency! So we called my friend, but she couldn't watch the kids. Glenn called his parents to be on their way and we just took the kids with us. I got to L&D and it was NOT busy. Praise God. They took me straight back and put me on the monitor. After 20 minutes they could clearly see I was contracting regularly at 4 minutes apart and they called for the doctor to check me as quickly as she could because I wasn't planning on going into full-blown labor. I finally felt like they were hearing me! The doctor checked me at 7:15p and I was 2 cm dilated. I had made progress from the day before. Normally a lady dilated 2cm delivering vaginally they would send home- you can stay 2-3cm for days or even weeks before delivering so they werent completely convinced I was "progressing". So they said they wanted me to stay for 2 hours and they would recheck me. If I made any progress during that time, they were going to do the c-section that night because I was in labor.

Hmm.. remember I still have my daughters with me and my in-laws were coming from northern Virginia/DC area in a storm so traffic was horrible and ETA was 10-11pm!! I was starting to stress and my heart rate was making the alarm on my monitor go off. Every time I even looked at the girls-"BING BING!" My husband took the girls down to get some food and I called my friend Gina, who I didn't want to have to call. She was the one who was having a that party at 4pm that day and she has two kids of her own and I mean it could have been yet another false alarm and I felt bad. So I called and she was like "are you crazy, you better give me your children, false alarm or not" :-) She is such a blessing and a great friend! At that point I called Glenn and told him to take the girls to Gina's house and I called his parents to tell them where to pick the kids up when they arrived.

All this time I am still contracting 3-4 min apart and they are getting tighter, stronger, a little more painful and not slowing down no matter what position I sat in or when I was standing. Glenn waited in traffic for a while to and from Gina's and arrived about ONE MINUTE before 9:15 (when the doctor was coming to re-check me). So doctor comes in and said I was more effaced and now 3 cm dilated. She left to discuss it with the head doctor to see what they were going to do. All this time I had been praying God's will be done. And MOST IMPORTANT Madelyn's safety. If she wasn't ready I was fine with going home, I didn't want to rush her coming over my discomfort. I wanted her to remain healthy! So a second doctor came in about 10 minutes later to check me for final call and I had progressed to a "loose" 4 cm! So labor was starting to jump off. Within minutes a team of doctors and nurses came to get my c-section started- IV's, 100 questions, gowns on, and all plans set for this to happen. So I got the "news" quickly and the process started pretty shortly after so I immediately used my phone to facebook out prayer requests and let everyone know I was having a baby that night. I didn't have much time during that to think about how I felt. When they started walking me to the OR I started to cry. I couldn't believe it happened so fast. I was scared of the pain. I was nervous it wouldn't "feel like" I had a baby or wouldn't be bonded with her (which by the way is NOT TRUE AT ALL- In fact I have bonded quicker with Madelyn-not to be comparative- than Grace or Lauren who I have vaginally) and I was anxious about the "unknown" of a c-section. I cried while getting the spinal. My husband was the greatest God send and comfort through the whole thing. He scrubs c-sections almost every night he works and he was walking me through it all. A very sweet guy named Mike who is a friend of my husband and works the same shift was my scrub tech- so that was comforting. At first I felt nauseous which scared me that I was going to be sick through the surgery and my BP went low and I felt like my chest was caving in.. I got very nervous but within seconds I felt fine! I shared my fear of the surgery hurting with Glenn and he shared with me "baby, they have already started and you haven't felt anything". So all my fears were wiped away and I just quietly prayed for Madelyn's safe arrival. Within moments I felt a lot of pressure and then the BIGGEST relief as she slid out of my belly. Same type of relief I felt with vaginal birth having an epidural. I heard the loudest little lungs calling out to me in her own baby way- "I'm ok". With Grace and Lauren, being that they got stuck, didn't have that ground breaking cry. So this scream, through the drape, reassured me that she was here and healthy. I asked Glenn to go see her and be with her! He did. They brought her to me after they cleaned her and I got to see her beautiful face. I kissed her head and they took her to the NICU to make sure she was fine. My 7lb 8oz, 19'' long miracle was born at 11:14pm on April 16, 2011 and was doing great (and off with daddy). They stitched me up NICELY and wheeled me to the PACU. I was there for an hour but so overjoyed and not in much pain at all. I was able to move my legs and lift my bottom after being there for about 20 minutes but they make you stay for 1 hour just to observe you. Glenn came in with pictures of my baby, and I was asking 100 questions. Does she have hair? What color? What color are her eyes (mind you my husband it color blind)? How is she doing? He reassured me that she was great, and they were ready to give her to me as soon as my hour was up! YAY!!! No reason to keep her in the NICU- praise God!!!!!!!! No complications!!!!!!! As soon as I saw Madelyn for the first time and got to hold her, I felt like she was mine. I felt like I had always known her and NOT because she looked like my other children, because I don't feel like she looks "just like" anyone except herself. I couldn't wait to breast feed her!! She latched on like she had done it for years and she was great about getting my milk to come in (as less than 48 hours later- I have a full supply of milk). She has been such a snuggly baby with minimal crying. She is very relaxed and very healthy. She has been pooping like a machine- after every feeding. I thought it might feel strange to have a newborn again, but it DOESN'T!

Grace and Lauren came both days we've been here and they are so excited and completely welcoming of their much anticipated and prayed for baby sister. They love her! They have helped me dress her, change her diaper and of course hold her. Grace came in close to me yesterday and told me "Thank you mommy for having a new baby sister for our family". Oh the love in that statement, melted my heart. I love my family! I am so incredibly blessed- I can't explain or express the love and joy I feel through all of this. God is good. He is perfect. He knows what we need and when we need it. He is the giver of all good gifts and maker of all things. I truly do not deserve His love and blessings but I will take them joyfully! If you have read all this- thank you for sharing in this special time in my life. I am running on little sleep so if I missed any details feel free to ask!

WELCOME Madelyn Claire Rhoades to our family and to this world. God has a plan and purpose for your life, precious child.

My Belly, with Madelyn

MY BELLY PROGRESSION.

6 Weeks

18 Weeks

24 Weeks

34 Weeks

37 Weeks (can I be done?)

Funny Email Title-

So this morning I got an email that said (and I QUOTE):

Your Amazon.com order of "The Trendy Turtle - 12 Ass..." has shipped!

At first I thought it was a JOKE! I was like what in the world? My what? has been shipped? HAHA!! I had a laugh- I knew I ordered something but it wasn't a turtle or "12 ass".. so I opened the email and it STILL didn't clarify what I ordered or finish the "..." sentence it started in the heading. Well, turns out I ordered headband hair bows for Madelyn. The WHOLE statement at the bottom of the page said:

"You have been charged for the following items shipped today:

The Trendy Turtle - 12 Assorted 3-in-1 Large Flower Hair Clip Bows with Soft Stretch C..."

They still left a "..." which I thought was strange, but needless to say- WHO PROOF READS THIS STUFF!!! I had a laugh this morning.

I miss the old me

As weird as that sounds- I miss the non-pregnant, full of energy, patient, and strong- [old] me. I know I am at the end of pregnancy so I WILL not be pregnant by the end of the month, but I am fed up with not feeling like myself. I realized it today. I woke up early enough and with enough energy to get myself and the girls ready to go to church (despite the fact that I was up from 1a-4a with contrax 10 min apart). So I got up, the sun was shining and we were ready and out the door on time, even though Lauren had a mishap with a marker.. After church I felt refreshed spiritually but was shaky and queazy because my blood sugar was low. I had to grab two kids, get to the car, and get some lunch quick or I was going to fall over. So I drove through McDonalds. I just hate doing that- I would have liked to have the energy and strength to make it home and have some pancakes and bacon for brunch. And then we went to Target after that. I was just NOT going to sit at home and watch TV one more day. It hasn't been this beautiful (sunny and 70's) outside in days so we WERE taking advantage of it. We went and bought Easter baskets and all the goodies to fill them with. Yes- I had my kids with me. No- we don't do the whole "Easter Bunny is real" thing. The girls were WONDERFUL, but I couldn't even make it through the store without keeping them in the cart. There was no way I had the strength or patience to have them out of the cart looking around. But they told me what they wanted in their baskets. We got them little gardening tools (I love Targets- $1 section!!- Whoop Whoop!!) and they told me which basket they preferred so there is no fighting Easter morning ;o). And lots more goodies. We even got a basket and things for Madelyn. Side Note- even though Madelyn may not be here, I couldn't imagine if she was here with no basket.. So what did she get you ask? Well, a chocolate bunny of course. And we got her a book, hair bows, pacifiers and a little baby toy/rattle. Ok, back to the story. We are leaving and headed home to change out of our church clothes and I got a BURST of energy and a taste of how I was when I am not pregnant. We rolled all the windows down, turned the radio up and had a DANCE PARTY/Jam session on the ride home. The girls were laughing and having so much fun!!! They were reminded of how much fun we used to have and how crazy their mommy is. But I just feel like I don't have this passion to be "ALIVE" when I am pregnant. I am always worn down, always feeling like my hands are tied. I am exhausted and my physical body is "handicap". I have always felt strong enough to carry my children through stores or to bend down and kiss boo boo's. I LOVE to be on their level- get on the floor and do a puzzle or sit on the kids' picnic table and do play-doh. Lately, I haven't been able to do any of this- I have felt so disconnected from motherhood. Almost like-why did I want three kids when I cannot handle two. I seem to want the kids to entertain themselves, when I used to LOVE coming up with new things for us to do together. I was to the point where BOTH girls helped me cook every night and now, I am barely able to stand in the kitchen long enough to make a PB&J.

I know I am not a lazy person. I know I LOVE children and raising mine is my passion and my calling. I also know that pregnancy is HARD for me. Between my hormones and attitude change and my physical/painful change my body makes- 9 months of this makes me think I have changed. Thankfully God has showed me, I won't always be pregnant and cranky and to persevere through this season of pregnancy.

Please do not take this the wrong way, by any means. I know some people would literally kill to be pregnant and have a child. I know infertility or staying pregnant is an issue for many and I am not taking away for the miracle and incredible BLESSING pregnancy and motherhood is. I have experienced a late miscarriage with my first child and I remember HATING to hear anything negative about pregnancy. When pregnant women would complain about aches and pains I would become angry and frustrated because I wanted to be pregnant and stay pregnant no matter what the pains it would take- which is why I am pregnant!! I am willing to sacrifice for the greatest blessing God has ever given me. IT IS ALL WORTH IT!!!! I am just coming to the end, and beginning to realize the difference between who I am and who I am when I am pregnant. At this point I am ready to meet Madelyn and get back to "the old me" :o)

OK- funny thing Grace was telling me:

After church Grace was telling me what they learned at church. She said "We learned about the lady who was 'bent-ed' ". WHAT?! I asked plenty of questions and or convo went something like this:

me- "who was the bent-ed lady, your teacher?"

Grace- "Noooo!! She was in the Bible and Jesus touched her back and healed her"

me- "who told you this story?" (as in- who called her the bent lady?)

Grace- "my teachers at church told us about the bent-ed lady who walked like this (she was hunched over) and Jesus healed her, she was crooked"

me- "did your teachers call her the crooked lady?"

Grace- "no they said she was the bent-ed lady and she was born crooked and Jesus healed her."

So after the whole convo- which I laughed hysterically through, I still am NOT familiar with this bent-ed lady story in the Bible and as reverent as I am to God, I know He was laughing at this story Grace shared with me. By the way, Lauren agreed with her and proceeded to tell me the same story that she learned today too. I may have to look this one up..

Getting Excited, but a Bit Nervous

As you may know, which if you are reading/following my blog I hope you know this about me, I am due with my third daughter Madelyn Claire at the end of this month. Tomorrow I am officially 37 weeks which makes me FULL TERM!! Woo hoo!! I am beyond excited to finally meet this wonderful little girl God has been knitting together in my womb for almost 10 months now. However, I am a bit nervous. After my previous deliveries both being shoulder dystocia cases and very traumatic I am giving birth to Madelyn through caesarean section. I prayed about it since I found out I was pregnant and at my 20 week ultrasound Madelyn was breech. The doctors thought nothing of it because at that point they do cartwheels and summersaults frequently. So I prayed and just asked God to give me a CLEAR BOLD answer to whether or not I should have a C-section. Most people might think, well obviously YES- go with a c-section but my thoughts were also, well I did have shoulder dystocia births but I DID get them out. And with the EASY recovery after Lauren (my second child) I did jump on the idea of a c-section recovery.. but after praying about it I did ask God to keep her breech up until the point of decision making time. I had been having a mid-wife care for me at doctor appointments and she said by 32 weeks I needed to make up my mind either way so that at the next appointment following I could see a physician to schedule the c-section need be. All that being said, you can probably guess- she was breech at my 32 week appointment (and I am pretty sure she still is because her hiccups are in my rib cage)! This c-section stuff is new to me (though my husband being a surg. tech. does them every weekend). So I am really praying everything goes well and I have a speedy recovery with minimal pain. I will have three children to care for postpartum and we have a two story home so I hope I can manage life shortly after Madelyn and I come home from the hospital. I have tried to get everything set up for my convenience. I put shelves with baskets downstairs with all of Madelyn's newborn and 0-3 month clothes in them, along with socks, all baby supplies, newborn diapers and wipes so I won't need to go upstairs to change her. I also brought down all of her blankets, burp clothes, and swaddlers and put them below her bassinet in arms reach of me. I got a boppy to help support me while I breast feed. So hopefully I am prepared enough for this new journey I am going on..

Another thing, I am scheduled to deliver Madelyn on April 26th. I do like the date and if I wasn't so incredibly miserable, I'd love to wait until then. I just don't know that I will. First of all because at my 36 week appointment, my uterus was measuring at 40 weeks- so I am huge. Also I am getting contractions on and off daily. And I am just miserable with her breech position because it is causing my ribs to ACHE with her pressing against them and she has begun to "drop" and my pelvis is so heavy. I also don't want to "progress" with labor and be dilating at all if I am not planning to deliver her vaginally. So all these Braxton Hicks contractions are frustrating. I am not sure when to go in to L&D. I don't want to wait it out and just write it off as nothing and then be 5/6 cm dilated (like I was with Lauren) and have to be RUSHED to the OR for an emergency c-section; especially because I don't want Madelyn's bottom end to be sliding down further.. But I never know when its "the real thing".. I did NOT think I was really in labor with Lauren and I was 5 cm when I got to the hospital and 6 by the time they processed me and brought me back. And they won't "check me" at doctor visits because they don't want to stir anything up. And with Lauren I KNEW I was 3 cm the day before, so when I was getting contractions I just went to the hospital, I probably won't have if I didn't know I was progressing already (if that makes sense) So I am a bit nervous and I just pray God's hand is in this whole situation. I know His plan is already in motion, so I just need to hush and relax and know that God has the whole world in His hands.

So I am very excited to see this darling child who I have prayed for and been waiting for, but I am a bit nervous. My daughters are SO EXCITED and ask me about her constantly, everyday. We are all anxiously awaiting this new member of our family and so thankful to God to creating her. So whether it be April 26 or earlier- WE ARE READY!!!!!