I NEED Jesus!

Sometimes I want to give up on things.. not my children or my marriage but the other "stuff". Today- I just don't want to do housework or cook. BUT kids have to be fed and I cannot keep tripping over toys and we all have to have clean clothes to wear. So, I have to get my self in gear and do it; regardless if I have only slept 6 broken hours (meaning I was up every hour for some amount of time). I have been an angry person! Sadly, I have just been acting the way I feel like it because I am tired and I have a lot on my plate and I am always taking care of others and I "feel" entitled to that-I AM WRONG! Let's clear that up before I go on.. I know I am wrong for that! So while breast feeding Madelyn in the van the other day, while everyone else was eating lunch inside Smokey Bones, I heard a song by Steven Curtis Chapman entitled "Do everything". God stopped me in my negative thinking right in my tracks. My human side gets resentful toward my sweet husband who gets to eat when he pleases. I also want to give up breast feeding because it is so demanding. But deep down, I know I would be forfeiting a blessing because not everyone is blessed to be able to breast feed and have a great milk supply- its free, healthy and helps me lose weight- I know I don't want to give it up. But listen to this song. Youtube it! Its a GREAT song for everyone!

So tonight, I am looking around the house-that I have neglected for a couple days now- and just wanted to go to bed. I do NOT want to clean up one more time after EVERYONE (even the dumb dog)! And as I start to get frustrated with all the mess and chaos going on around me, I just prayed for patience and energy to tackle some of the work and not be so hard on the girls tomorrow while they are playing (and making a mess again). It is hard to know you spent so much time cleaning and then seeing them undo the work within minutes. As I am picking up the computer/exercise/crafty room, I come across all the art work my kids make. I sit down and go through it and realize my 4 year old Grace has been teaching herself how to write her letters. "GPEML" was on one piece of paper, not that I know (or even she knows) what that means but it was humbling to say the least. It is so great to see your children wanting to learn and grow. I send them in here to play and let me get dinner made or things done and it is just so sweet to see her "learning".

I love my "job". I love being a mom. I don't want you to get the wrong idea reading this! Just the work that goes into motherhood can be exhausting and OVERWHELMING at times and with lack of sleep, your mind can lead to sinful actions because of anger and selfishness.

God touched my heart in the midst of cleaning and He is trying to grow and teach me, I can feel it! He is showing me patience that I need more of, mercy toward my children when I want to yell, and gentleness to remember they are kids and they are going to make a mess :o)